She is in my trunk
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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