hell yes lets make some ravioli
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
The ass gains better be worth it
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