i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
