i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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