I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
