great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
It's like God shit irony all over that family
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
