Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Randomize
