Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Randomize
