Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I have fence marks all over my body
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize