Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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