I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
