Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
