We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Sober January is a disaster.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
