Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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