So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
