it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I didn't notice because vodka
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
