this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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