ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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