So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
