im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
