Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
