i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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