Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
They left me at home... I'm a liability
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
