Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
