Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Randomize
