just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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