Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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