walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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