So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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