We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
