DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
When did angry sex become our thing?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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