it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
