I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
