dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize