yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
