Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
