I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
The air was thick with penises
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
how does that bad decision feel?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
