That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
