I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
