My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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