I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
