I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
