I accidentally burped into my bong.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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