yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize