after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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