I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
