i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
