isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize