The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
we're so committed to being not committed
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
