I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
