how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize