You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
