she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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