He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
