You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
