I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
What drink are we having for lunch?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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