saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Boobs are out for the taking
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
