i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
my poor anus
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
