yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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