I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Randomize
