He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
