I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
