i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
