I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
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