i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
