Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
