is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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