Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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