Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
