Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
