I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
